The routine you were actually made for

Last Friday I had about nine hours of work to do.

A breakfast meeting I'd planned to last an hour ran two. That left me six hours to do nine hours of work. I worked through lunch. I pushed. By the end of the day, my brain was absolute mush.

I got everything on my to-do list done.

And I still felt a little disappointed in myself.

There were a few things not on the list that I'd wanted to get done. My wife rightly pointed out that this was ludicrous. She was right. And I knew she was right. But knowing that didn't make the feeling go away. I could hold the logic in my head — you did everything, more would have been insane — and still feel like I hadn't quite done enough.

This morning I was talking with a friend about that exact feeling. He has it too. We started asking each other: who are we actually afraid of disappointing if we don't get everything done?

For me, the honest answer is my wife. There's a practical piece — financial provision — but underneath it is something more like identity. If I don't get everything done, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not good enough.

That's not a time management problem. It's an identity problem.

I'm a visual thinker, so I get locked into the calendar grid: eight to nine, nine to ten, ten to eleven. These are the blocks. This is what I'm supposed to do. We started talking about routine — how when we lose our routine, or don't get everything done within it, the stress feels disproportionate to what actually happened. Because it's not really about the tasks. It never was.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, so take what I say next however it lands. Feel free to substitute your own language.

For me, sitting in that conversation, I felt like what God is calling me to is to zoom out. The routine he's asking of me isn't the daily to-do list. It's not the blocks on the calendar.

It's a cycle: being filled by him, and then filling others.

After my friend and I talked for about an hour, I drove to Valley Water Mill trail and walked around. Spent some time being still. Being filled.

I'm in a season right now where there's no shortage of work. Lots of opportunities. The question is which of those are the right things. And as I was walking and praying about that, what kept coming back was this: God has gifted me with some capabilities, some experience, some knowledge and tools. And I am to gift those to others.

That message has been building for a couple of years. My work at Fieldway is not to make money. It's to love others.

So as I think about what I do today and going forward, the question I want to bring to my work is: how can I bless others with what I've been given? How can I help people get their work done in a way that's less stressful? That preserves their energy, helps them spend time with their families, and lets them actually rest?

That's what I want to make my priority.

This is yet another step on that journey of becoming. If there's a way I can help you and be a blessing to you in your work, I'd love to hear from you.